I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This is classic penis vs brain.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
