Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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