..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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