My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
