You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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