I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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