Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
