wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
