Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
