just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
