Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize