I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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