she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I can't turn off my feet"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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