I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She told me I should be a condom model.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
