Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
