I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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