Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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