I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
