Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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