that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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