and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
And my parents said I crawled through the house
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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