I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
