wake up i wanna do it froggy style
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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