whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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