Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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