i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
