God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
