I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
