And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
