i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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