White coat. Heels.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
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