Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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