K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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