It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
