I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
