their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
