I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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