i think my tv is drunk
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
