I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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