Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
