Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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