that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
