Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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