the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
