I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
