fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
