you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize