Fuck appropriateness.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My penis needs a shock collar
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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