Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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