OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
