If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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