I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He kissed a someone with a penis
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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