I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
As shirtless as possible
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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