I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There r osticjed everywhere
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
