dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
