the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
