you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
