i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Acid is not a monday night drug
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
