I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
