I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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