I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
