nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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