In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
