seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
