We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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