i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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