so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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