i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
