Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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