Sry I called you an 8
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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