hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize