I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
