there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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