i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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