He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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