Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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