Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
