Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
