mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
