I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
